Hi there folks!
As you may have noticed from the radio silence here the unravelling of my cocoon I spoke of in my last letter to you came to a screaming halt.
Well, not so much of a ‘screaming’ but rather lots of ‘ugly crying’ halt. There was a lifting of significant weight from my shoulders and many ‘reverse epiphanies’ (realising what I don’t want to do with my life as opposed to the aha moments of what I do want to do with my life – equally important while navigating the stepping stones of unchartered paths).
It’s always my intention to be as transparent and real with my words and journey as possible however this last little while has been deeply personal and challenging for a myriad of reasons so for now I’ll hold it all close and get to know it all a little better before picking at the edges to set it free. Please know that I am okay.
What I’d like to share with you is how I have been nurturing myself during this period. I’ve sought spiritual counsel and mentorship and heeded the wisdom of my mentor to embrace the path of least resistance with any decisions I make that involve setting wheels in motion to align with this season in my life – and the simplicity of this thought process has been so valuable in keeping a lid on my overwhelm.
I have also integrated some simple non-negotiables into my day. My anchors and markers that would punctuate the flow around my day with Doug and Mum are gone so to help with feeling lost and adrift there are a few actions I do every day so I don’t feel like I’m floundering my way through as much. Please note that I have built these up one by one over a period of a few months. The very first one I started with was…
Make my bed every morning
My bedroom is my safe haven. It’s my sanctuary I retreat too any time of day, not just when the day is done. It really is one of the nicest rooms in the house with its north facing window and view of the garden. I’ll often sit in the chair beside the bed with a cuppa and take a moment to reset myself if all the ‘feelings’ get too much.
It’s the one room that I try to keep the tidiest and cleanest so when I step through the door there is nothing that will irritate me about that space – it’s all calm and soothing. I can’t tell you what a difference this makes to my day to have one clutter free space right now (read as shit everywhere else as I work my way through my Mum’s belonging’s and my own).
The next action I worked towards was…
No dishes in the sink before I go to bed and tidy counter tops
Okay, I have to admit, this one is a real mind shift battle for me still. By nightfall the grief fatigue usually has its sticky fingers wrapped right around me and I just can’t be bothered… but… if I take the too easy road of “Oh, there’s not a lot there, I’ll do them in the morning” what I can tell you is morning Sandra is extremely pissed at night time Sandra and that’s not a great way to start the day. Making my morning cuppa not looking at yesterday spilling over in the sink and benches starts my day with a sense of calm (and morning Sandra is much nicer for myself to be around).
My favourite non-negotiable action, that now takes no coaxing at all is…
Walk
I need to be able to get outside every day. Hell, I even make myself walk in the bloody wind that we all know I hate so much. If I’ve spent the day in the garden (or washed the car) I may not walk that day – my 57 year old hips will only take so much – but exercise each day and the outdoors are so integral to my mental and emotional health. Sometimes I walk my friends’ dogs and that adds another delightful layer to the experience.
Do I always feel like walking? Nope! On the odd occasion, sitting down and scrolling through all the dreamy bedroom pics and cottage gardens on Pinterest seems like a much better idea but I make myself slap on a hat, slip on my very unflattering sunglasses and sneakers and off I tread. I may or may not factor in Pinterest time for later in the day (who am I kidding – it’s always factored in).
This morning I walked very early and I’m so glad I couldn’t go back to sleep in the early hours of this Sunday.
I wouldn’t have seen the six pelicans flying low in the sky heading off to find a sheltered fishing spot, out of the wind no doubt.
I wouldn’t have noticed the peppermint willow trees in the park waving their little fluffy white flowers at me on the breeze as I wandered past.
I wouldn’t have spotted the two crimson rosella’s balancing on the barbed wire fence next door or the ibis winging their way to the distant water channel (or overflowing bin).
I certainly wouldn’t have spotted the rabbit darting about for cover or Mumma magpie majestically perched high on the street lamp surveying her territory with the authority of a queen.
The cold breeze made my eyes water and run down my cheeks and the tiny pebbles from the path annoyingly made their way into my shoes, but the effort was so worth it for the noticing, so, so worth it.
My least favourite non-negotiable action is…
Eat something good
This usually involves some effort by me in the kitchen and as lovely as my kitchen is those who know me know how much I bloody hate cooking.
So, for now, ‘eat something good’ looks like eating at least ONE thing a day that is good for me. This could be an apple with cashew butter, avocado on toast, air fried veggies, a salad sandwich from the local takeaway, homecooked meal from my cousin’s fresh food takeaway meal shop (why cook when you have a Paul and Carol in your life).
As long as I eat at least ONE ‘good’ thing a day I’m okay with that. And because I’m making the rules no one said that I have to specifically prepare that one good thing - bonus! And let’s not forget delicious vegetable pasties made by my clever neighbour and friend.
So, there you have it.
My basic, simple, non-negotiables that are helping me get through each day. I also don’t let too many days go by before catching up with a friend or family member either in person or by messaging or chatting on the phone. It’s so easy for me to hermit and although that is a necessary component of protecting my energy levels, I’m well aware it’s not good for me too many days in a row.
The next thing on my radar is returning to work in some capacity. That’s a little way off yet but thoughts around that are starting to clarify for me so I’ll gently toss them around on the days where I have the mental capacity to do so.
I hope you are all travelling along okay. If there is anything you’d like to add to the conversation of how you incorporate helpful ‘non-negotiables’ into your day I’d love for you to share in the comments.
Until next time.
Stay safe,
Love Sandra Xx
Simple non-negotiables are the best! Mine are currently: working up to drinking 3L of water per day (not quite there yet), eating a more nourishing breakfast and lunch (the 2 meals a day I prepare for myself), and getting myself out of the house (solo) twice a week. It's amazing how much of a difference these things have made to how I feel and are tiny little daily reminders that I'm worthy of taking really good care of myself. x
Great update...with reminders for us all about 'how to..." I know some of those stood me in great stead (and still do) for my worst days of anxiety and more. Go well young woman, go well.